wrenyn| a year old

My sweet girl is a year old today. This year was a whirlwind of ups and downs. It started at a high with her birth and then quickly into tough times with post parts depression and common struggles with nursing and fussiness. I've mentioned before that bonding was different story with Wren. When we got home from the hospital, I struggled. There were a lot of factors that I just wasn't aware of. I didn't know if the depression I was feeling was different than the random bouts I'm used to, or that I wasn't producing enough milk, and that was one reason she was fussy and clusterfed all hours of the day. I believe it was after week three or so that I started really bonding with her and seeing past the haze that I was in. But after that connection was made, it intensified. 
Wren has been connected to me almost since birth. She experiments with independence, while making sure I'm nearby. Milestones were harder with her. She struggled a little more, and got frustrated easily. She's determined. She reminds me of myself already, causing me to reevaluate how I act and think in a lot of situations. She's so trusting of me, and even though that's common for a child and their parent, it never stops being humbling. While her persistence is maddening sometimes, she forces me to see her, to be in the moment, which is the lesson that I've needed for years. She has reintroduced me to reality, to what I could and have missed, and what I should be more aware of. The baby years are so challenging, but when you are reminded that there is only so much time that you have to hold them in your arms, to be the center of their world, it awakens that appreciation for how absolutely precious this all is. 
My beautiful girl is leaving one chapter behind of hopefully many, many more. Soon her soft, gummy appearance will mature and she'll be off to bigger things than crawling after me while I try to complete tasks that are worthless compared to her. I'm going to do my best to remember that. Happy birthday, Wrenyn Elanor, you are more beautiful everyday. 

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